You cannot escape summer and therefore, you cannot escape swimming or at least standing next to the water…in a swimsuit.
Year after year, I trained for my collegiate sport during the summer so when everyone else was trying to slim down, I was bulking up to beat out my squat max and impress my coaches. Never did I have the bikini body I wanted.
Now, things are much different. After my four years of running foul poles, and doing endless burpees, I workout for the body I want. My wonderful boyfriend (who is very much in to fitness) so kindly put together a couple of 4 week workout courses for me. Some of the exercises he has written down have made me furious with memories of painful conditioning after practice.
Officially I had done 12 weeks of his workouts and loved the results. My legs were so much leaner and they might not be as strong as they used to be, but they fit into pants much easier and I quite like the way they look in leggings.
The “Skinny Gene” has never run in my family so it is in my mind, my responsibility and choice to create the body I want. I have to work hard at this, I have to make conscious decisions about the food I put into my body. Most of all, I want to do it the healthy way. I have enough will power to give up dairy (acne medication requirement) and bread (just because I wanted to see if I could), and now it’s the challenge of constantly make the right decision. Some folks (ahem, Mr. Boyfriend) do not hold my will power in the greatest of light because I get home after a long week and want dark chocolate with sea salt, and that means I have terrible will power.
…Thanks for the support?…
My diet is absolutely more healthy because of him – he is fantastic cook! Right now, he is making a potato/leek encrusted halibut with brown rice and a salad on the side. I have also become accustomed to having a salad at lunch. When there’s no salad, I feel sluggish and well, squishy. My family came from farming backgrounds where dinner was meat, potatoes, and whatever vegetable was in season or available cheap by can.
Like I said, the skinny gene has avoided my family.
After a few unseen and unfortunate events , the gym did not happen for two weeks. My good habits or working out every day and eating well at every meal evaporated and all of my hard work vanished from visibility. To put it simply, I feel that I am right back where I started. 12 weeks of hard work and now I can’t do a pull up – a goal I fought for and achieved, and now I’m back to square one.
Why is it that falling off the workout wagon is so easy? My body felt so good and was in a rhythm where salads and workouts were wanted, even craved! Now I’m just frustrated with myself and those two weeks where my mountain of workout success crumbled over microwave popcorn, wine every night, pastries with morning coffee, and large portions of home-cooked dinners. I could feel my body saying, “No! I don’t want this! Don’t eat it!” But I already get so much crap from a select few back home about the food lifestyle my boyfriend and I have chosen. So I challenged them and ate as if I didn’t have that new Ralph Lauren bikini in my closet back at the apartment. The teasing stopped for the rest of the trip but now that I’m back at the apartment, disappointment hangs in front of me like a shower curtain you can’t pull to the side and walk away from.
Those few months of hard work were wasted and now it’s time to start over again. June is here and summer is coming on fast. If I’m going to make my goal and feel amazing in that new bikini (the first one I’ve bought in over 5 years), my willpower has to go to a new level and my workouts do too. The frustration of flab has reached a new high and so has my inspiration. I am going to do this because I want it. This is not for someone else, but for me.
And what better motivation is there than to try and better yourself?
I truly hope that when the wagon gets tipsy, I can look back on this blog post find the inspiration and willpower to stay on there and keep trucking along.
Here I come Ralph Lauren bikini bod!